www.CostaRicaTicas.com

They say a smart man learns from his mistakes, but a wise man learns from the mistakes of others. I was hoping to pick the more experienced members' brains a bit since my goal is to one day become wise.

Just saw on the news a 65 year old man repeatedly shot and killed his 59 year old wife. The report stated it stemmed from an argument where his wife complained to him about leaving the coffeemaker on. They followed it up by (of course) noting what a sweet woman she is and how she liked to help people.

So I'm sitting here thinking to myself. "Wow....this dude just finally snapped after decades of nagging. I know it!"
Then I started thinking of some of my married friends and my life and how we are headed down the same path. I'm sure some of you know....the daily nagging, the constant complaining, but never hear the words 'sorry', 'thankyou', or 'I appreciate that.'

And all of this occurs behind closed doors. IE Dr Jekyll in public, but Mr. Hyde in private. Which results in people telling you how lucky you are, but you quietly know the real truth.

Luckily I'm not stuck since I'm still in my 30s and have time to get out and start anew.
Everytime I come back to CR it is like heaven. Just to not here bitching and complaining about trivial things daily.
Then like clockwork, upon returning the bitching starts again (usually day 2).

Divorce has been on my mind almost daily for years now, but something deep inside is stopping me from doing it. Maybe fear of having an 'empty' life or regretting making such a big choice.

Can some of you please give me advice on this matter. I'm in a spot where I can save up comfortably and retire to Central or South America in the future. I know it's ultimately up to me, but would really appreciate your thoughts and opinions about this crossroads in my life.

IMO, from what I read you are really doing a lot of "head thinking". My suggestion is to move the hardest 18 inches of a man's life, from his head to his heart. Listen to what your heart tells you, it will never steer you wrong.

"Head thinking" is also ego driven, that is not to say it in a bad way. My ego/psyche has invested many years protecting me from harm. My ego wants to keep me safe and since it has protected me to this point in my life, it is adverse to change. With change there is unknown, so my inner self resists that because of the unknown. It is safe to stay with what it knows, but not necessarily the best option for me. At least my psyche believes, currently, that it is the best option, which is very easy for me to agree with.

It is virtually impossible for another person to help you with this decision. In very much the same situation as you described, add in her cheating on me, leaving her was the best move of my life. That may not be so for you, but I knew it in my heart.

There is a feeling in your body about this. Where is it? What shape does it have? When you feel it, close your eyes and thank it for letting you know what you do not want, it will have served a useful purpose . Get into your heart as soon as possible, and you will be much better off. The sooner you can lose this dark feeling, the better your life will be, no matter which course you choose.

As always I have my asbestos underwear on, so flame away.............

Health & happiness

Crashdollar

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It's not the size of the wand that put the rabbit in the hat, it's the magic in it!!!

I wish I could do that. One day I'll do that. At the end of your life if you haven't lived it and enjoyed it to the fullest, it is only one person's fault. Life is short. The other day I had my first sexual experience with a married neighbor. I was 15. I'm 66 now. Time sure got away in a hurry. There have been a lot of adventures and reinventing in the journey. I can say I have done and am still doing it my way. Fear of the unknown is what limits all of us. I spent a lot of time trying to make other people happy. I'm a slow learner. I discovered I can't control how anyone else feels. Only how I feel. Learn how to be happy and share it with others. When relationships get to the point that they are no longer enjoyable, it is time to move on.

How lucky you are to have the heartfelt counsel of two members of this community who have experienced rich and full lives. My thoughts may pale in comparison but here goes.

If you find your soul-mate, by all means share your life with her. Good times, bad times, and especially family, can leave you with good feelings that keep on giving until the reaper takes you away. On the other hand, if things aren't going well, don't settle. In my life I had decided that being married was better than being alone. That was true for a few years. Then we became like polite roommates. No love just being considerate to one another, but she really got on my nerves. As I aged my blood pressure went through the roof. None of the usual medications seemed to control it. My doctor struggled with it for 5 years and then I got divorced. 4 days after my wife moved out my blood pressure was down 40 points. Take it from me, staying in a relationship when you are not happy will take its toll.

These are the best years of my life and I try not to dwell on the past. Tomorrow always has the chance of being the best day of my life and I try to give it the space to happen.

Lost

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Run, run Lost Boy, they say to me. Away from all of reality.
San Jose is home to Lost Boys like me and Lost Boys like me are free.
[i]Adapted from Ruth B's Lost Boys[/i]

FEAR is temporary but REGRET is forever!!! (The older you get the more you realize this!)

It's better to BE single than to wish you were.

you know how i feel... and have chosen Freedom

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its easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled- mark twain

I am not wise, however I can relate my experiences to you.

I could not imagine still being married to my ex-wife. I was in a state of shock after filing for & getting a divorce, but in retrospect, It is the absolute best thing I could have ever done for myself, physically and mentally & for my relationship with the twins. I was in an unhealthy, volatile situation. Nothing I did was right, I was a 38 year old idiot (with 13 years of college, 3 degrees (DDS was the last of the 3)) & miserable.

My advice is, if you are even remotely thinking about, your marrige is over.

GTFO while you still have 20-25 years to rebuild/enjoy your life. CR awaits my friend.
Life is to short to be miserable!!

Good luck!

Just make a decision and learn to be happy with it.

No one is 100% content with their lives. Having been both married and single, I can say from my experiences that they are vastly different, but the differences are exactly the same.

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bypassin' kinky, and usin' the whole chicken!!!

I am just ending a 23 year marriage. The relief of being single is just beginning. After seven years of mongering in CR and Colombia, American women just dont compare.

The biggest change you can make personally is to stop being Mr. Nice Guy. Once you put your wife in her place, things will change dramatically. I would recommend taking a zero-bullshit line with the wife starting today. The next time she nags or busts your balls, give it back to her times 20. The reason she nags you is because she does not respect you. Put her in her place. Never show any weakness around her. Never apologize for anything, EVER. Once she sees that you are no longer a pu*sy you will likely see a change. I remember the night I destroyed my wife (verbally) in front of our friends after she said something stupid to me. I got the best blowjob of the marriage later that night. Regardless of weather you stay with her on not, you will at least have your integrity.

You dont mention if you have Ch*ldren or want Ch*ldren. I personally would not want to raise a Ch*ld in Latin America. Its a great place to monger and live as a retired guy but not raise a family, in my opinion. Also, 30 something is pretty young to be thinking about retirement. I think a 30 year old guy in decent shape with a little bit of game should be able to get a lot of pu*sy. You are in your peak sexually and you should be able to bang 20 somethings at will.

I'm in Argentina now. This morning I banged a 4'11", 20 y.o. babe in the ass for about $45.00...........Now, I was married for 27 years. I finally got out of it. Talking to a best friend one time he asked me why I broke up. I said she nagged too much. He asked "about what?"...........My true answer was "I don't know!" Thank God for Costa Rica, Colombia, and Argentina!

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I am NOT a Cien Boy!!

Whitecat, do you know if that Privado on Junin in Recoleta is still open, and if so did you go and sample?

Always remember that the reason divorces cost so much....is that they are worth it

Whitecat what are the chances of a Argentina trip report? I would like to do a Ecuador/Paraguay/Argentina trip this year.

Devo

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The most dangerous adversaries are the ones that come with a smile instead of a sword

I did ecuador 2 years ago! in Manta they were 8 dollars at a chongo!